Weekly Horoscopes from Professor Trelawney

I have prophesied this: that dark skies and rain will come upon us on this magical day of Halloween. Have your wands at hand my students and be wary of any ghouls and banshees that tread the Crum Woods at night. But this mischief will not prevent me from doing what I must. Alas, I return once more to guide you on your path and reveal what is to come in the near future.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

When your creativity is called upon this week, remember that sometimes simplicity is key. Your video for your film class should be really weird, but not really, really weird.


Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

You probably went really hard for the Halloween Party and, assuming that you made it there, don’t remember all too much of it. Now, take some time off and remember that there are ways to have fun at Swarthmore without drinking.


Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Unless you do something at the start of the week to prevent it, you’re going to be a hot mess this week. Lost papers, missed meetings, meals at Sharples with people that you forget to go to, it’s all coming. Take some time to put it all down in Google Calendar now!


Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

After a low grade on a paper or a class presentation that didn’t go well, you may start being a bit hard on yourself. Remember that you’ve made it this far in life and you’re making it day by day. A paper isn’t worth fussing too much over.


Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Complications in your love life will come about and have you wondering whether it’s even worth all the trouble? If being with that person makes you feel a special sort of way, appreciate it for what it is–another moment in your life when you’re head over heels.


Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

You will find pleasure, love, and contentment in your own presence this week. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be by yourself at times, and you will definitely benefit from this time. Grab chai tea latte from the coffee bar and screen your favorite movie all by yourself at Sci 101.


Leo (July 23 – August 22)

That next payroll check is looking really good right now. When it finally rolls in, spend a little on yourself. If you’re an instant-gratification-type of person, go out and shop in Center City. Like to put things off for a bit? Order something off Amazon and surprise yourself when it finally comes.


Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

As you may have heard, the end of the Vine is only months away. You’ve had some of your best laughs off Vines though never had the talent to make your own. Get your final laughs out of this wonderful app before it leaves and, if you’re up to it, make your own (in a few months, it’ll be gone anyways!).


Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Relationships are already a very difficult thing, friendships included, and even harder when one person wants something more than the other. Maybe they see you as a “friend that I pregame with” vs. a “friend that I get breakfast with.” Maybe you want to be in a relationship with them but they’re unclear about what they want? If they want to be something more, they’ll be clear about it. If not, don’t push it on them (it’s not worth your time).


Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

People often don’t say exactly what they mean and usually that’s okay. I would rather a professor tell me that my paper needs more structure than, “Reading this was an unpleasant experience.” But sometimes, we need to hear the truth. When criticism comes your way this week, accept it and learn from it.


Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

The carrel is one of the most isolating and sad places to be, but there’s no doubt that it’s where work gets done. When things begin to pile on and you need to finally start on that research paper, grab your things, say goodbye to everyone, and commit yourself to a productive day at whichever carrel of your choosing. Afterwards, you’ll feel a lot better about going out in the weekend.


Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Take your camera (or your phone) wherever you go and never be embarrassed to take some photos and even selfies. You’re always being told to “live in the moment,” but remember that years from now, when you’re reminiscing on old, college memories, you’ll be very grateful for every photo that you have of your time here… Well, except those REALLY embarrassing ones. But we don’t brings those up.


Features GIFs courtesy of giphy.com

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