Weekly Horoscopes From Professor Trelawney

*Warning: the following horoscopes may contain scenes of mild peril. Watch out, Gemini.

Aries
Mar 21-Apr 19

Happy Birthday, Aries! You’ve been thinking a lot about a particular partnership this past week, Aries. Whether you say this person is “just a friend” or a longtime lover, there are a lot of cosmic influences which are causing you to see things in a new light or seek change. This is a great time for renewal and lifestyle changes.

Famous Aries:

  • Lady Gaga
  • Abraham Maslow
  • Randy Orton
  • Jane Goodall

Taurus
Apr 20-May 20

Introspection and a general tendency to zone out will characterize the first half of your week, Taurus. It might not be enjoyable to get bogged down with heavy thinking, but it may lead you to the solution to a tricky family situation or help you get your next paper topic figured out.

Gemini
May 21-Jun 20

Though you may be drowning in work, your mental capabilities will be on fire this week, Gemini. While this might sound scary on paper, you might actually find yourself enjoying jumping over the obstacles your professors throw your way.

Cancer
Jun 21-Jul 22

Novel opportunities and ideas will present themselves to you this week. An exciting project or new significant other might inspire a lot of passion within you, Cancer, but take care to maintain the constants in your life as well.

Leo
Jul 23-Aug 22

Try and get some major school and career related tasks accomplished this week, Leo. Fill out your financial aid forms, turn in your internship applications, and organize a schedule for the rest of the semester.

Virgo
Aug 23-Sep 22

You may feel like the most popular Virgo around this week. One friend needs this, another wants that, your crush wants to hang out, and you can hear your phone buzzing away! Before all the attention goes to your head, keep in mind that Bernie Sanders is the most popular Virgo on campus.

Libra
Sep 23-Oct 22

Your natural talents have always made you excellent at giving advice, Libra. Drama amongst your co-workers or group of friends will soon erupt, and it will be up to you to decide whether to put out the fire or to fan the flames.

Scorpio
Oct 23-Nov 21

Early in this week is a good time to make some decisions for the upcoming months, whether you need to figure out your relationship status or whom you’re rooming with next semester. The Moon’s influence will help you know what you truly want, Scorpio.

Sagittarius
Nov 22-Dec 21

You’re feeling cheerful and optimistic about what lies ahead, Sagittarius. Put your positive energies to good use by supporting your friends and reaching out to help others.

Capricorn
Dec 22-Jan 19

Feeling idealistic and adventurous lately, Capricorn? If your daily routine seems tedious, don’t be afraid to shake things up a bit this week by starting a new project or branching out to meet some new friends.  

Aquarius
Jan 20-Feb 18

Freedom is what you truly seek, Aquarius, and all of your commitments seem burdensome. Don’t ditch out on what you love just yet, even if it seems to be holding you back. Otherwise, you might rush into a decision you’ll later regret.

Pisces
Feb 19-Mar 20

Venus is influencing you this week, Pisces, causing you to not only to feel romantic and affectionate, but a little restless, as well. Try seeking a creative outlet to express yourself.


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