Weekly Horoscopes From Professor Trelawney; St. Patrick’s Edition

*Warning: these horoscopes contain pervasive language which may be unsuitable for certain readers

 

Aries

Mar 21-Apr 19

Whether or not you’re planning on drinking green beer this weekend, you will certainly be in the mood to have a good time, Aries. Mars’ influence on your sign will help you power through schoolwork next week, so go ahead and let loose.

 

Taurus

Apr 20-May 20

You’ve been working yourself hard this past week, but there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow this weekend. Your efforts will be rewarded, Taurus, either in the form of a good grade or personal satisfaction.

 

Gemini

May 21-Jun 20

Making progress in your career and academic goals can be satisfying, but it’s also important to have a balanced personal life. If you’ve been distancing yourself from your friends, this weekend is a good time to make some positive changes.

 

Cancer

Jun 21-Jul 22

Venus’s effects may cause you to yearn for the new, the inventive, and the exotic. In terms of romance, you will be tempted to take the plunge and connect with someone exciting and different.

 

Leo

Jul 23-Aug 22

Relax, relax, relax. Even if you feel unaccomplished after a restful Spring Break, go ahead and take it easy this weekend. You don’t need to figure everything out, or try to meet everyone else’s expectations, Leo.

 

Virgo

Aug 23-Sep 22

The stars call for some instability in your future, Virgo—  whether it’s an unexpected expense, a change in family dynamics, or some new opportunity. To prepare, take some time this weekend to work through your to-do list and spend some quality alone-time.

 

Libra

Sep 23-Oct 22

Today is a good day to wear green, Libra. You may find yourself overlooking the obvious and making silly mistakes this weekend, but the out-of-whack feeling should subside along with the Lunar event on the 23rd.

 

Scorpio

Oct 23-Nov 21
If it feels like they’re always after your lucky charms, it’s because they are. As fun as it can be to flirt with your many admirers, be sure to lay down your boundaries and be clear about your desires, instead of playing with their emotions.

 

Sagittarius

Nov 22-Dec 21

Natural charisma and spontaneity are some of your greatest strengths, Sag. Put them to use this weekend and find a way to celebrate St. Pat’s Day despite the amount of studying you have on your agenda.

 

Capricorn

Dec 22-Jan 19

This weekend is an excellent time for you to put your creative energies to good use, Capricorn. Make a playlist, paint a picture, or find an inventive solution to something that’s been bugging you.

 

Aquarius

Jan 20-Feb 18

Even as the Winter chill lingers in the air, you are pretending as if it were already Summer! Enjoy each day for what it is, and learn to embrace the unpredictability of the weather.

 

Pisces

Feb 19-Mar 20

Happy Birthday, Pisces! Don’t bother looking for a four-leaf clover this weekend, as your fortune is already spectacular. Your busy weekend might seem overwhelming today, but you will enjoy the journey.

 

Famous Pisces:

Stephen Curry

Wanda Sykes

Andrew Jackson

Ke$ha


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