Weekly Horoscopes from Professor Trelawney

Disclaimer: No animals were harmed in the making of these horoscopes

Aries
Mar 21-Apr 19

Try and have fun while you can, Aries, as the Moon/Mars conjunction next week will leave you short-tempered and ill at ease. This week is a good time for studying in groups and chilling with your friends.

Taurus
Apr 20-May 20

Though you may consider some bold moves this week, try and play it safe. You are happiest when you can keep a steady routine, and now is not the time to break away from that.

Gemini
May 21-Jun 20

It’s important to keep in touch with old friends and family, even when work piles up. Make the effort to reconnect and strengthen relationships, Gemini.

Cancer
Jun 21-Jul 22

Though regulations and social conventions can be frustrating, try to be patient this week, Cancer. Your problems aren’t as urgent as they may seem, and they’re not worth breaking the rules for.

Leo
Jul 23-Aug 22

Sometimes you feel like the whole world is your stage, Leo, but this week you will be in the audience watching the drama unfold in front of you. Bring popcorn.

Virgo
Aug 23-Sep 22

Do you have your eye on a certain somebody? Do you have a lot of work to do? If you answered yes to both of these questions, then consider a McCabe date. Minimal romance and minimal efficiency, but still a good idea this week, Virgo.

Libra
Sep 23-Oct 22

Have you made a to-do list this week, Libra? It probably looks even more full of assignments and errands than usual. Try and pencil in a couple of hours for scrolling through Facebook or hanging out at Essie Mae’s to relieve some stress.

Scorpio
Oct 23-Nov 21

Health issues and lack of motivation are the bane of your week, Scorpio. When your mind tells you “get to work” and your body tells you “get to bed,” go to bed first and work later. Expect bursts of energy later in the evening, and do most of your assignments then.

Sagittarius
Nov 22-Dec 21

You may find yourself focusing on the details of projects, and over-analyzing every aspect of your life. Try to look more toward the big picture, and reconsider your priorities.

Capricorn
Dec 22-Jan 19

With Venus affecting your sign, you seek stability and security in your relationships with others, Capricorn. Though you’re willing to go the extra mile for your loved ones, remember to take time to focus on yourself and what you need to get done.

Aquarius
Jan 20-Feb 18

Happy Birthday Aquarius! With Venus entering your sign, you’ll feel particularly dreamy and romantic this week. But don’t stay in your head too long. If you think you’re going to make a move on someone, go ahead and do it sooner rather than later.

Famous Aquarius:

  • Oprah Winfrey
  • Shakira
  • Thomas Paine
  • Trayvon Martin

Pisces
Feb 19-Mar 20

Happy Birthday Pisces! You’re likely to get what you want this week, if you only ask. People will be seeking your attention and approval, and you will have a great deal of influence on them. Try and use your powers for good, Pisces.

Famous Pisces:

  • Valerie Smith (Feb. 19!)
  • Joseph Wharton
  • Justice Antonin Scalia
  • Mary Lyon


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