Sh*t Matters: Papazian 2nd

If intimacy is what you’re looking for in a bathroom, then Papazian 2nd is just for you. With a mirror that makes it so that you’re always making eye contact with yourself, this intimacy will be limited to you and yourself only. The lack of accessibility, small size, and cramped layout overshadows any redeemable qualities that this bathroom could possibly have.

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Sh*ts Given: 3.0/10

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Brandon: If Papazian’s curved hallways, odd lighting, and overall creepy atmosphere isn’t enough to throw you off (seriously, it could be its own American Horror Story: Papazian), the 2nd floor bathroom experience definitely will.

Jenny: Honestly, when I saw this bathroom I expected to find a bloody body in it. I’m not really ashamed to admit that I got so creeped out by this bathroom, I had to ask a friend to stand outside when I used it. Then when I walked out he tried to scare me — I punched him. #WaterUnderTheBridge

B: Yeah, I usually study in the seminar room with friends late at night, so I use this bathroom a lot. But after washing my hands, I literally sprint back (*But I don’t tell anyone*).

J: The narrow space and cramped layout just makes me feel so trapped. There is no escape.

B: It’s just so weird. You plop down on the toilet and as you’re doing your business, you’re being stared down by your own reflection in the mirror. You realize that you’re just sitting there, and soon you’re wondering what you’re doing with your life.

J: Of course the bathroom that induces an existential crisis would be in the psychology building. I mean maybe some people like how private this bathroom. I believe a friend called it “cozy” and intimate.

B: It definitely leads to some serious self-inspection, but cozy? Absolutely not. Piping runs from side to side, top to bottom, and they manage to still squeeze in a “WET FLOOR” sign and trash bin in here too. Unless you find solace in your own gaze, there’s nothing “cozy” about this bathroom. #WhereUAtNarcissus

J: Also the toilet is on this weird platform, so you can just look at yourself in the mirror — pretty convenient for people who are into exhibitionism/voyeurism. Like, you are being watched by yourself and you are watching yourself…Do I sound meta as hell?

B: Too deep for me right now. I gotta get back to that seminar room for those finals. Ready to sprint back?

 


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