Citing their “unreal levels” of similarity and shared interests, some prospective students have already found the friends they will almost certainly spend all four years of their Swarthmore careers with.
“We just click so well, you know,” accepted student Aliya Rodriguez said, referring to stupefyingly similar answers to questions such as “What is your spirit animal?” and “Name your favorite day of the week? I’ll start, it’s FRIDAY. Ur turn!”
“It’s unreal how well we get along, I can already see us staying up all night talking about Life, the Universe, and Everything,” accepted student Dave Qu said, making a reference to the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy which, in a mind-bending coincidence, all of the friend group has heard about. “College is amazing!” he added.
The newly formed friend group, which includes a mix of genders from a variety of national and international backgrounds, has already created an alternative “Kingz (and queenz, lol) of SWAT ‘18” group on facebook, where they share memes and make spring break plans that The Daily Gazette has determined to be completely realistic and definitely positive to materialize.
Some, like Qu, have already abandoned their negligible high school social circle, making the completely rational decision to “focus on the future, the real friends, those for life.” Qu starts every morning by posting in the alternative group’s chat, which has amassed a staggering five-hundred messages, including some on such deep topics as prospective majors, favorite TV shows, and, in a dramatic demonstration of the group’s comical genius, the world’s worst word (all agreed on “moist”).
Admissions office representatives confirmed that the friends one makes in the admitted students Facebook group are “forever,” and “some of the strongest bonds you’ll ever form with anyone or anything.”
“This is exactly what these groups are for,” Admissions Dean Bim Bock ’90 said. “In fact, we have determined that almost all Swatties made every one of their friends before even setting foot on campus, completely from the comfort of the Facebook group. So, if you’re an accepted student and you aren’t currently chatting with at least three people on a daily basis, you’re already missing out and will most likely be completely friendless for your entire time at Swarthmore.”
At press time, Qu had just asked his new friends what they thought of the song “Same Love.” Amazingly, they agreed unanimously that it was good.
Hello, did you like this article? Write for The Gazette! Open staff meetings are every Monday at 7:30 p.m. in The Daily Gazette office on Parrish 4th; You can also email us at firstname.lastname@example.org.