Hello Swatties, and welcome back to school after a refreshing spring break! I’m sure the break was just long enough for all of you, and I’m sure you all relaxed, rested, and treated every night like it was a Swat Saturday night. Well, we can’t have Saturday every night, but we can have it once a week, so I hope you’re all planning to make the most of it. And if you miss the sun, sand, and most importantly, foaming waves of the beach, Saturday night’s event at Phi Psi will rival any spring break shenanigan. That’s right Swatties: get ready for the Phoam party! Phoam will without a doubt leave you more drenched, if not as salty, as a whole day in the ocean, with the added benefit of black lights, lasers, thumping bass and crowds of equally wet people stepping on your feet and yelling in your ears. Nothing could be more appealing. You’ll be as wet as if you were swimming—minus the actual swimming.
Attire of choice is definitely a swimsuit: since it’s technically spring, it’s bound to be warm, right? Ignore the current wintery weather and trust that this Saturday night will bring warm spring air to your soaked body as you stumble home in the middle of the night. If this doesn’t sound wildly appealing to you, or you find yourself struggling to agree that getting foam repeatedly thrown all over you will be worth it, remember that the interior of Phi Psi will be packed to the brim with people, so the temperature’s bound to be much warmer than comfortable. Going outside will feel like a treat after a couple hours dancing shoulder to shoulder with a bunch of people soaked in sweat? foam? both? The point is, you’re just required to be excited about having foam launched at your face. Foam cannons are the most exciting thing Swat has seen since DU’s legendary Graffiti Party. So start working right now to convince yourself that your wildest desires are about to be fulfilled the moment that blob of foam hits your head and soaks your hair. Convinced? Good.
The aftermath of Phoam may be messier than the actual event. A shower that night is suggested (how long into the night does hot water stay on in the dorms? You’re about to find out!) Horror stories of Barstool Blackout have warned yours truly of the power unidentified foam has on skin: one unfortunate survivor reported unbearable itching throughout the night. So either get the foam off and the lotion on or suffer through a night that would be better spent reminiscing about the foamy celebration you just experienced (or even better, sleeping!)
So show up to phoam in a swimsuit or white clothing for the blacklight and prepare to be foaming and glowing to your heart’s content. You’ll realize once you’re there that this is the reason you stress and work all week for lower grades than you deserve and far less sleep than you need. You’re catching up on something much more necessary: fun, which will literally be smacking you in the face. Forget that a few short hours after you arrive, you’ll be half-running, half-limping your way home towards a (debatably) hot shower, shivering in the cold, foam dripping down your back. When you arrive at phoam, phocus on the present, phorget the phuture, and have phun.
Most fondly yours, Soaking Swatties,