Bound and Shagged: Love’s Day

Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone! Valentine’s Day is this Knotty Girl’s favorite holiday, and so I’m just about bouncing off the walls from sheer excitement. It is from this bouncy, pouncy point of view that I bring you this special edition column for this special holiday.

Valentine’s Day is meant to be a celebration of love. For me, this usually means running around giving baked goods and hugs to my friends and making sure I call my family. This year, it meant asking someone special to be my Valentine. I’ve never had a Valentine before who was exclusively my Valentine. I’ve had friend-lentines and I’ve celebrated Valentine’s day while in a relationship, but never before have I had someone just be my Valentine.

I spent roughly two weeks agonizing over her card and figuring out what to do for her (I told you I love Valentine’s day) before giving up on my entirely-homemade-gift idea and heading out into the world of commercialized Valentine’s gifts.

There among the fake flowers, cheesy cards, and endless amounts of pink-red-and-white themed chocolate boxes, I found a row of fuzzy red handcuffs. I picked them up skeptically – they were of extremely poor quality, likely wouldn’t hold up against any serious struggling, but they were still right there, out in the open.

And it got me thinking. Companies sell chocolate body-paint kits for Valentine’s Day. They make Valentine’s Day blindfolds. It’s almost expected that someone wear some sort of either revealing or edible lingerie. Valentine’s Day reduces a little bit of the kink stigma.

I don’t have any theories as to why. But, in honor of the day, we’re going to learn how these Valentine’s Day commodities can be used to spice up your sex life. The cuffs and the blindfolds are obvious, and I’ve already talked to you about basic bondage and sensory deprivation. The next big Valentine’s Day thing on my list? Chocolate.

As I said before, chocolate body-paint kits do exist, but you don’t need them. Remember that fun M&M slogan about where the candies melt? All commercial chocolates will melt in your mouth. So break off a piece and let it get soft in your mouth before dragging it along your partner’s skin. When you’re out of chocolate, go back over the melted sweet and lick it off. You can also have fun with other common food items for Valentine’s – whipped cream is fun, but can get messy.*

Another fun Valentine’s day treat for sensory deprivation are flowers. Roses are great because they can give you two sensations – velvety petals feel new and soft on the skin and thorns can be lightly scratched over the body for a bit of a rougher feeling. Champagne is great, too, though it can get messy – pour a little bit on your lover and position your mouth appropriately to literally get drunk off their hot bod.

Get creative. Valentine’s day is a fun time to try new things and the perfect time for you to tell someone you love that, well, you love them. Smile at your crush. Say hi to that girl you’re always checking out when she makes her quesadillas at Sharples. Tell  your roommate how much you appreciate them. Hug your friends and make sure they know how much they mean.

Love is the greatest of human emotions. It can conquer anything, motivate us to impossible feats, heal all wounds. But love’s got a bad rep. So this Valentine’s Day, make sure you give Love the love it deserves.

*A quick note about introducing any sort of food into sex play: do not put sugary substances near the genitals. You can end up with a nasty yeast or bacterial infection (all genders!) and that’s no fun for anyone.


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One comment

  1. 0
    Screw you Gazette site says:

    That was supposed to be a thumbs up, not down, but the site won’t let me change it. I would also like to point out that dried-up whipped cream is ultra nasty.

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