Phi Psi: Pledges Will Make Animal Sacrifices to Quetzalcoatl

Our esteemed Phi Psi Historian spent his summer digging up some incredible information concerning the pledging process at Swarthmore’s Phi Psi Fraternity over a century ago. We will be reconnecting with our Phi Psi roots this year by putting this new-found pledging process back into practice.

The pledging process lasts six weeks, and culminates on the December 22nd, the winter solstice. One week prior to this date, we will send our pledges into the depths of the Crum armed only with their wits and a conch shell, not to return for 7 days. Not only must they survive in the cold treacherous terrain of the Crum for entire week, but they are also required to return on the last day with a live animal of their choosing. A sacrificial alter shall then be constructed beneath the Tarble bell tower, and the pledges will slaughter the animal they have captured in the Crum and bathe in its blood. Eddie Montenegro, dressed as the Aztec god and patron deity of Phi Psi, Quetzalcoatl, selects the most displeasing pledge as his human sacrifice, and the process ends as our blood soaked pledges make this sacrifice to our terrifying and magnificent warrior god.

Other pledge duties will include drinking one gallon of Crum water and one gallon of milk at every Sharples meal, digging a tunnel from Phi Psi to an undisclosed building on campus, giving free Brazilian waxes to the homeless in Philadelphia, constructing a third floor for Phi Psi, and ringing the bells at the top of the bell tower every 15 minutes.

Finally, our first pledge event will involve a live buffalo, a nine iron, bowling balls, and ice cubes. We would really appreciate it if a member of the Swarthmore community would be so kind as to provide us with the ice cubes. We have been having trouble getting a hold of those. Thank you.

We at Phi Psi, like our brothers over a century ago, do not support nor will we condone the practice of hazing in any way, shape or form during the pledging process.

 

 



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10 comments

  1. 0
    Literate Phi Psi Pledge says:

    You missed an apostrophe and a comma in your first sentence, started your second sentence with a conjunction, and ended the question in your second sentence with a period. Perhaps you should find someone who is literate to write your comments for you.

  2. 0
    Max Hubbard ( User Karma: 0 ) says:

    Joe and I were asked to conduct an interview regarding the pledging process at Phi Psi, and this is the official statement that we submitted to the Gazette. It is not a joke. We take this tradition very seriously.

    On a side note, although it is not mentioned in the article, Phi Psi requires its pledges to complete numerous intellectually rigorous tasks, including but not limited to reading quizzes on the Hardy Boys, writing in cursive, and long division. I can assure you that all of the Phi Psi brothers are literate.

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