Concerns about Growing Conservative Faction

Editorial by: ninety-five percent of the student body.

In response to recent comment threads on the now archaic The Daily Gazette website, ninety-five percent of the student body would like to express its concern over what it sees as a growing conservative faction at Swarthmore College.

In times like these we cannot underestimate the power of even Phoenix columnists to pollute the minds of soon-to-be first years, especially with Ride the Tide coming up.

Imagine trying to recruit first years for groups like the Earth Quaker Action Team while this influence festers on the internet.

Imagine the formation of groups like CCS (Climate Change Skeptics) and SMAC (Swarthmore Market Adoration Committee).

Imagine the resources we’d waste: you know they print one sided and brush their teeth with the faucet gushing.

This is the one kind of diversity that is frankly unwelcome at our beloved school. We need to take immediate action.

Come Ride the Tide, if you spot a suspicious spec (one who doesn’t know the meaning of “heteronormative,” has a “fair and balanced” opinion, asks if they can do a special major in business management), tell them Sharples gives you food poisoning, and is switching to an exclusively local, raw, vegan menu soon anyway.

Just this once, don’t let political correctness stand in your way.

On behalf of ninety-five percent of the student body, we (ninety-five percent of the student body) would like to exhort you (ninety-five percent of the student body) to stay alert and take action against the rising red tide.

Remember: if you get a bad lottery number next year, this could be your future roommate we’re talkin’ about. No one wants a Glenn Beck poster across from their bed, watching, always watching.

He’s watching you.


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