Dana Bans Pizzas in Bid to Be the Healthier Danawell Dorm

After the Housing Committee banned smoking in Hallowell, the Dana RAs and interested residents convened an emergency meeting and debated about unhealthy options to ban in Dana. One Dana RA explained, “Dana has always had a pristine reputation and is always looking to be the good twin out of the Danawell dorms. When Hallowell became smoke free, we became very worried about maintaining this reputation.” Hours of debate later, they reached a conclusion: ban pizza.

From complaints of the pizza smell in the hall, to the ugly pizza boxes piling up in the trash bins, residents of Dana have always complained about pizzas in the dorm. One student complained, “On Sunday mornings, I hate walking down the hall and seeing these gross, old pizza boxes strewn across the hall. Quite frankly, it hurts my eyes.”

Another resident elaborated, “I think pizzas are a prime example of the inequalities that are in our college. There are clear class barriers in one’s ability to purchase pizzas and everyone has to deal with the negative externality of seeing and dealing with these leftover pizza boxes. Furthermore, it is unfair for our EVS technicians to clean up our mess.”

Additionally, other Dana residents complain about the fragrant smell of pizzas and how it makes everyone crave greasy foods. One RA said, “Once someone brings a pizza into the hall, the smell wafts down the hall and all the residents immediately want a slice, even though they all know that they shouldn’t.” Residents have complained that once someone orders a pizza, many other residents start ordering pizzas and it becomes a whole chain reaction of potential obesity.

One anonymous pizza addict confessed, “On weekends, I have to stay away from my dorm room in Dana because I’m terribly afraid that I will fall into a relapse once I get a whiff of pizza.”

The Gazette contacted Renato’s and Appetito’s for their reactions and both agreed that this recent ban will not hurt businesses. The Renato’s representative said, “If what you said was true about this chain reaction of pizza cravings, then we have plenty of business in other dorms. Wharton holds many addicts.”

There are also other health concerns regarding pizza. Old pizza boxes not properly disposed of will start to grow mold and attract mice and other pests into the hallways.

In reaction to this ban, Paury Flowers, Assistant Coordinator of Student Activities in the Dean’s Office, enthused about the positive healthy effects of this recent ban. Flowers expanded, “This ban goes hand in hand with our Wellness initiatives on campus; this is a great idea in terms of students’ well-being and physical health, and I can only hope that other dorms will follow Dana’s exemplary behavior.”

Due to overwhelming resident support of this ban, the Dana RAs have decided to enact this ban until Hallowell becomes smoking again. Or, perhaps, forever.


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