From Parrish Parlors to middle-of-the-night fire alarms, love can strike anywhere at Swarthmore.
Running into you in Parrish and having a real conversation after a week of Gchat ones has left me all a-flutter. I’m not sure how to bridge the gap to the “real world,” but help me out here! How ’bout next time you IM me around 5ish and ask if I want to grab dinner?
—real life is hard
You friended me on Facebook over the summer but we’ve never actually met before. I try smiling at you when you walk by sometimes, but I don’t think you notice. Too bad, because i think you’re cute. I hope our paths cross before we graduate…
—maybe you’ll notice next time
We had a fire drill at 3AM last night, which I was really grumpy about until you walked out without your shirt on. I know you gave a whole speech about hallcest in the beginning of the year, but I’m hoping you’ll reconsider.
—the one with the cute pajama pants
To the couple I just walked in on having sex in the rose garden: (a) Get a room, or at least a classroom. The side door of Trotter is always unlocked. (b) I could do that so much better than he’s doing it to you.
—kinky queer butch top
Dear Mystery Man: I was on Facebook and complaining to you about how everyone in my family is prettier than me. You told me that I was very pretty, and maybe I would feel even prettier if I stopped dating bears. Call me!
You almost beat a friend of mine to death with the bookstore sign a few minutes after you almost impaled her with a Game Room pool cue. Later, we’re walking through the Rose Garden and you bum-rush another friend before running wildly off toward the President’s House. Finally, in front of McCabe you come up to me and ask if I was looking for a bear who might have attacked me. What??? What’s going on?! Are you the bear? Am I the bear? Who is the bear?!
—am I next? do I want to be?
Dear tall trendy freshman boy that looks like Andy Samberg: I think that you’re cute. Let’s be trendy together.
—trendy senior girl
Is it creepy that I’ve timed my walk from the Science Center to Trotter so that I run into you between 11:14 and 11:16 every Tuesday/Thursday? OK, what about the fact that I don’t actually have a class in Trotter and just like walking you there? I’d appreciate it if you could love me back soon so that I stop being late to my class in Kohlberg.
—can’t quite get there fast enough
Send us your own wish-they-would-happens, or try getting in touch with one of these posters, at firstname.lastname@example.org
Hello, did you like this article? Write for The Gazette! Open staff meetings are every Monday at 7:30 p.m. in The Daily Gazette office on Parrish 4th; You can also email us at email@example.com.