Sarah Palin to Visit, Speak

Sporadic celebrations could be heard last night as Swat Republicans found out that Vice Presidential Candidate Sarah Palin would be coming to Swarthmore on April 14 to speak.

Swat Republican President Joe Plum told the Gazette that Swat Republicans had been lobbying to host a Palin event for months. “At first we would only be able to talk to her aides, but once they found out about how energized the Republican base was here, she got interested personally,” Plum said. “She heard about how we have over 400 members and how exit polls reported that 80% of Swatties voted McCain/Palin. ”

The college’s overwhelmingly conservative population was at first stunned by the news. Several students streaked nude through Parrish Parlors in excitement while others let out primal screams. Frantic shouts of “oh my god, Oh My God, OH MY GOD” could be heard throughout the night. Even initially unenthusiastic students welcomed her arrival, as evidenced by one student’s comment, “I don’t really like the Republican Party, but I just want Obama to fail.”

Faculty are equally excited about her arrival. Political Science Professor Ruth Limbaugh explained to the Gazette that “Palin is the perfect epitome of Quaker values.” Philosophy Professor Jared Roberts said that he would be making his Political Morality class attend his event to see an example of an “ideal moral politician.”

Palin will be coming to speak out against Obama’s economic plan, war plan, budget plan and social security plan. Additionally, she will also have a Q and A session with students and finish her trip by hunting deer in the Crum Woods by helicopter.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *