Swarthmore decided to add a new sport to its athletics roster at the past weekend’s Board of Managers meeting. In order to truly inspire track runners and to utilize the school’s abundant wildlife and plentiful natural resources, the Athletics department plans to light the Crum on fire and have killer squirrels hunt varsity athletes across campus.
Did you like this article? Consider joining the DG! Open staff meetings are every Monday at 6:30 p.m. in Kohlberg; or email us at firstname.lastname@example.org.