Student Council to Receive Protection

Starting next year, the Student Council President and his closest advisors will be granted the protection of the Swarthmore Secret Service. Fellow students will guard the President at all times in exchange for gym credit.

“It is about time,” declared Student Groups Advisor Paul Apollo ’09. “We have lived in fear long enough.”

The change is in response to the increasingly intense requirements of the ASSassins program. “I was unable to work,” explained President Peter Gardner ’08. “I was terrified for my personal safety 24/7. And we must not let the Council be ruled by fear.”

Other students are uncertain how effective the plan will be. “How can we know that the Service members are there to protect our leaders? What if they side with the enemy?” shouted Chris Green ’09 at the tumultuous meeting where the plan was first revealed to the public.

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