Open letter to Margaret Cho
Dear Margaret,
I have never felt as loved, as directly spoken to, or as empowered by any other performer at Swarthmore as I did by you last night. You said queer and I yelled, you said strap-on and I yelled, you said safe word and I yelled. All that yelling did more damage to my throat than a thousand blow jobs.
This is a small school and I'm pretty open about pretty much everything, but explaining myself – defending myself – to people who look at my sexual practices with the bewilderment of a seven-year-old discovering baboon masturbation at the zoo gets old. Having deep-throat-the-dildo competitions with my friends is fun, but on some level it trivializes what those toys are really for. Margaret, you made me feel like there's a whole world full of crazy sexy kinky queer people dancing just outside the gates of Swarthmore, twirling their nipple tassels and cheering me on.
I wish I could have been at your Q & A. I read the Daily Gazette report about it, and I love what you said about being pressured to accept (or present) "whitewashed, P.C. representations of ourselves." We have a recurring debate on this campus about whether Coming Out Week and its accompanying chalkings play into stereotypes about queer people by oversexualizing us, but I think there's an important difference between being sexual and being sexualized. The latter is unwelcome and imposed by outside forces, the former is a celebration of our happy, sexy queer selves – or not sexy, for those of us who'd rather not be. I just can't see how pretending I'm not sexual will make me more free.
I'm preoccupied with my sexuality because I love it – fiercely and whole-heartedly. Living it and talking about it enriches my life every day, and that's why I write this column: to share and to discuss and to normalize, because sometimes I feel like a freak show and sometimes I don't like that. But enough about me, Margaret, let's talk about you.
You know how you said that some women can ejaculate? I'm glad you said that. It's true. I've been there. It's not that unusual, and it's not urine. The next time I hear someone say that (or some variation on "she peed on him when they were hooking up, gross!"), they're getting a stream of not-urine right in the eye. While we're at it, let's never use the words squirt and gush in this context again, because there's no reason women have to sound like they're doing an Old Faithful impression when guys get to just cum. Why is it that we know that all males, regardless of height and weight and penis size can ejaculate, but among females it's either embarrassing or an exotic superpower reserved for she-man porn star Amazons (and even then it's just assumed to be urine)? Female ejaculate has been chemically analyzed and – surprise – it contains most of the same stuff that semen does, minus the sperm. You know this already, Margaret, but to everyone else: it's normal, people, and it's hot.
Speaking of which, Margaret, you're hot. You know how you said that you want everyone to want you? Well, I do (in fact, you've made me question, and I think I'm I-sexual). You love to eat ass, I love to have my ass eaten. I'll never make you do anal. We can party until dick o'clock and then go chasing snowflakes, if you know what I mean. We could be great together, Margaret. Call me.
Sincerely, M.
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#1: 2/28/2008 at 1:17 a.m.
thou art a baller.
:)
i don't like butts, but i'm with you on everything else.
— J. | Unregistered, Swarthmore
#2: 2/28/2008 at 8:51 a.m.
I like the butts, so you can have everything else. Besides, being a queer man mixes that up a little :P
— Dan | Unregistered, Swarthmore
#3: 2/28/2008 at 1:01 p.m.
Open letter to M:
Dear M,
YES!! Thank you!
Sincerely,
Ronni
P.S. That's about all three columns so far, not just this one.
— Ronni | Unregistered, Swarthmore
#4: 2/28/2008 at 4:20 p.m.
I agree with almost everything here and even though in most categories I am apretty mainstream-accepted, non-oppressed, empowered person, I too felt really liberated by Margaret Cho's embracing of all that is "weird" whether it applied to me or not.
I took issue with one thing that she said, though--the line, which you referred to here, "Jesus, use your safe word!" Although my friends have since argued with me that this is making fun of Mel Gibsons' crazier tendencies and all the people who seemed to enjoy watching the depiction of Christ's suffering, I did feel a little uncomfortable with the remark, since it seemed to be mocking not only a figure that billions of people consider holy, but mocking his suffering. I do not consider myself a Christian, but as a good swarthmore student I try to be sensitive to things that might hurt other people.
Other than that, thanks for the great performance and great liberating attitude to Margaret, and thanks for another great column to M, keep it up!
— Cole | Unregistered, Swarthmore
#5: 3/2/2008 at 9:37 p.m.
"I'm preoccupied with my sexuality because I love it."
Please. You're preoccupied with your sexuality because you want to make it an issue. You oppress yourself. I'm queer and I'm free. Free like a bird. A fabulous bird. With rainbow wings.
"While we're at it, let's never use the words squirt and gush in this context again, because there's no reason women have to sound like they're doing an Old Faithful impression when guys get to just cum."
I'm a guy. People call my cum "squirt" and "gush." They also call it "white glory," "squizz," "jizz," "vanilla ice" and "my milkshake." And it does bring all the boys to the yard.
"Margaret, you made me feel like there's a whole world full of crazy sexy kinky queer people dancing just outside the gates of Swarthmore, twirling their nipple tassels and cheering me on."
The real world is ten times worse than Swarthmore. The people you mention, those "crazy sexy kinky queer people" live within the gates of Swarthmore, not outside of them. So many people on this campus could do with spending a day in the real world. Then they wouldn't complain about the freedoms they are afforded at Swarthmore that they wouldn't find anywhere else.
— Girl, Please | Unregistered, Swarthmore
#6: 3/11/2008 at 3:00 p.m.
Hey M, you should enter this contest: http://www.sexies.org/
Dan Savage is one of the judges! The deadline for submissions is March 23.
— Ronni | Unregistered, Non-Swarthmore
#7: 9/23/2008 at 7:06 p.m.
I love the Cho. How much, you ask? I actually bought this: http://www.tabutoys.com/Catalog/ProductDetails.asp?productid=1319
after she referred to it as a "Pledge can with testicles." And yes, I can squirt like a goddamned geiser.
— Nina | Unregistered, Non-Swarthmore