Bend Over Boyfriend

Welcome to “The Bone Doctor,” a column about sexual exploration which will be appearing biweekly on Thursdays. The Bone Doctor is a senior Sexual Health Counselor who would be happy to introduce himself to you in Sharples, but due to the personal content of the column, he wished to use an online pseudonym, a wish we were happy to grant.

In 1998 Fatale Video released Bend Over Boyfriend, the first instructional porn film to highlight female-to-male anal penetration via dildo. While ostensibly a how-to tape, the film’s subtext is female sexual pleasure and empowerment through role-reversal.

The sequel, Bend Over Boyfriend 2: More Rockin’, Less Talkin’, brings this theme to the forefront. Yes, we see male anal pleasure, but the woman has taken charge as both consumer and penetrator. As Ragan Rhyne explains, the film “demystifies and promotes sex-themed consumption” by featuring an “act of penetration that can be achieved through the purchase of a dildo and a harness.”

This column will be about trying new things. Me trying new things by myself, me trying new things with other people, and other people trying new things and telling me about them. In honor of the first column and the start of a new semester, I decided to try “bending over.”

The first step was acquiring the necessary materials. My partner and I bought everything at the Babeland sex toy store. The purchase was a two-parter; dildo and harness. You can actually buy them together in a beginner package, but we were advised to buy separately: higher quality for less money, as long as you get help picking out the right stuff (e.g. the snazzy furry purple leather harness).

It all went smoothly. “We’d like a harness and a dildo please.” The excited employee started showing us the selection. “Preferably small,” I chimed in, nervously. My concern was greeted with a sympathetic smile. The smallest-sized dildo was about one-finger wide. “Perfect for the first time,” we were told. I was relieved. Except for the fact that they didn’t have that one in stock.

“All we have in stock is the slightly larger dildo. Or, you can buy the display model of the small one.” Now, just to be clear, if I’m buying a TV, well then I always get the display model. Same quality for less money, and they always come with a warranty in the event of a problem. But TVs are for external use only. “We’ll take the larger one.” More rockin’, less talkin’!

How was it? I think female-to-male anal play might be kind of like tofu. It’s not available at every restaurant, there are lots of different ways to prepare it, and for those that like it, it can be a compelling alternative to chicken. But I’ve just never been crazy about tofu.

More literally, the experience, for me, was a little painful, but not necessarily in a bad or unpleasant way. And at times it felt good, though a very different kind of good, compared to what I’m used to. But what struck me most was how interesting it was. As someone who has engaged in heterosexual intercourse exclusively, this experience put me in a unique position, both literally and figuratively. My partner and I were engaging sexual roles that were otherwise completely unfamiliar to us. In fact, for the role-reversing experience alone, I highly recommend “bending over” to any interested couples. But leave time to talk about it afterwards; the conversations may leave you more satisfied than the sex. (Unless, of course, you really like tofu.)

Also, be sure to prepare carefully, and spend plenty of time talking it over with your partner beforehand. My partner and I were eager to experiment and sort of rushed in, and would like to try again. Maybe with a little less rockin’ and a little more talkin’. And who knows. Maybe tofu will become my new favorite food.