Since it will be a few months before the costumed Phoenix mascot makes its sidelines debut, the Daily Gazette, “Your Fun Computer Friend,” will be filling in in its place, cavorting around with a big box on its head and hoping to win the hearts of Swarthmore sports fans everywhere.
The Daily Gazette costume consists of a large cardboard box with some words painted on one side and blank space on the other three. The stories currently highlighted on the “monitor” include “Swarthmore continues winning streak” and “Daily Gazettes beat Phoenixes,” which is only to be used when Swarthmore plays the University of Chicago, Elon University, or Olin. The staff is currently dead-locked over whether to paint an Apple or a Dell logo on the back of the box.
The mascot isn’t just a cardboard box with news stories on the front–it will also tell weather jokes during half-time. It can also do cartwheels, although those tend to scrape up the corners of the box pretty badly. Don’t try doing cartwheels with the home version of the Daily Gazette.
When showed the mascot design, Director of Athletics Adam Hertz said, “It really… represents what the program is all about?” Our reporter explained that this made no sense, and Hertz continued, “Uh… computers are modern, and so is our program?” At this our reporter concluded the interview, as Hertz was visibly sweating.
With this high praise, the Daily Gazette is set to become a timeless campus tradition. Look for it at a sports game near you soon!
Hello, did you like this article? Write for The Gazette! Open staff meetings are every Monday at 7:30 p.m. in The Daily Gazette office on Parrish 4th; You can also email us at firstname.lastname@example.org.