Michael White ’05 obtains second degree from University of Phoenix

White claims that he needed to get a second B.A. in “Management” from the University of Phoenix in order to get employers to notice him. “They see Swarthmore and they’ve never heard the name before, they think I must be making stuff up… my resume goes right in the pile,” he explained.

He continued, “with the University of Phoenix on my resume instead, they’re more likely to call me back. It may not be the greatest school in the world, but at least it’s something they’ve heard of.”

A spokesperson from White’s current employer, a large pharmaceutical company, confirmed his suspicion. “The University of Phoenix doesn’t teach many useful skills, but at least it shows that he understands the importance of education. Buying a degree is better for you than making one up… it shows initiative and honesty.”

The Director of Career Services pointed out a secondary benefit of claiming to have gone to the University of Phoenix instead of Swarthmore. “Many of our students lose jobs because they’re awkward during the interview. Employers don’t understand how you could have lived in a dorm for the past four years and still remained so awkward… complete social ineptitude is a lot easier to explain away when you can say you were taking online courses from your parents’ basement.”

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