Sager sparks sexual revolution among Swatties

Last weekend’s Sager, always the party of the year, seems to have left a lasting impression on the student body this time. Unusual licentious behavior continues to run rampant, as plainly evidenced by an astonishing increase in inter-clique sociability, a high frequency of genuine smiles, a shortage of condoms in dorm medicine closets, and, of course, the rapidly churning gossip mill. “I can’t believe it,” a senior stated. “Why did we have to wait until my senior spring to have guilt AND sex?”

Professors are reported to be intensely disappointed in students’ performance this week. “You just can’t be happy and smart at the same time,” a snarky History professor remarked. “I’m sorry, but get back to work!”

Many students were contacted for interviews, but failed to return our calls. As their doorknobs are sporting socks, the Gazette decided to opt for a less aggressive reporting style than usual. But at least some Swatties seem to have retained their classic unenthusiastic bitterness. One student in McCabe Basement commented “I guess I’m okay with sexual revolution. As long as we don’t have to wear bell-bottoms.”


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