Irate denizens of McCabe violently remove closing buzzer

The loud and obnoxious buzzing noise that sounds repeatedly as McCabe library is about to close has tortured hard-working students for centuries. Last night, shortly after the first buzz sounded at 12:30 a.m., a force of fed-up studiers spontaneously stormed the circulation desk and ripped the switch out. “We just couldn’t take it anymore,” Maria Williams ’06 declared. “It’s bad enough that they make us leave our intellectual home so early every night. Now they can’t rub it in with that scary noise.”

Library staff members have yet to determine appropriate measures against the responsible students as they are busy designing the buzzer’s replacement. Librarian Jane Terzian said that some of the options under consideration include extended drum solos from classic jazz albums, the soothing sounds of construction work in urban environments, and a repetitive drone similar to the New Dorm’s fire alarms.

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