Fans go wild as Ethan Ucker ’07 wins Oscar, Pulitzer and Nobel Prize

The ubiquitous Mr. Ethan Ucker ’07 continues to astound the Swarthmore community. It was announced this week that Ucker has accumulated a couple of apparently prestigious awards: an Oscar, the Pulitzer and a Nobel Prize in Physics.

Fellow students utterly fail to see how he has managed to pull this off in the midst of directing musicals, enlivening student council meetings, getting out the vote, taking a capella really seriously, delighting young and old in Vertigogo and being a charmingly responsive interviewee. But in a surprising turn of events, instead of taking Ucker’s example as a reason to reflect suicidally on their comparative sloth, students appear to be basking in the glory of just knowing Ucker. Screaming fans swarm in the Lodges courtyard between classes and an enterprising Economics major is raking in the profits with her line of pink T-shirts emblazoned “I heart Ethan.”

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